28 April 2010

Letting go ...

My mother and I had a long conversation yesterday night, about letting go. What does it really mean? How does one detach from things that are out of one's control? I still don't know completely, but we came up with a couple of things.

For one thing, there comes a point when you have to just trust in things working out in the end. When we were living in the old apartment, our rent was astronomical, and neither of us was making very much. We could have ended up on the streets. We never did, but the threat was certainly there. The point is, we could have very well spent that time in a daily panic, anticipating the final minutes. Instead, we both realised that the situation is out of our control, and the only thing we could do was work our butts off to make sure that the rent got paid. Yes, some months it got paid 7 days after the first, rather than 3 days before as we'd always done before, but it still got paid.

Funny, that.

The point is that I couldn't really affect the outcome. What I could affect was my reaction to it. It's the same way I view my moments in the subway. I'm an impatient little thing, and don't care to sit around on the train as it's crawling along between stations, or stopped betwen stations, or stopped at a platform. I do whatever I can to avoid such situations. However, when I'm in said situation, I zone out for a bit, and just enjoy the time that I have there, away from everything that can distract or impede on my time. It means that I must stop, and just be for a while. I don't get that chance very often, so instead of getting frustrated, I take it as time to get some much-needed alone time.

Then come the material things. I like my stuff. I like my stuff a lot. I get upset when something happens to my stuff (stolen, lost, broken), not so much because I don't have that thing anymore, but because the role that it fulfilled in my life now needs to be taken over by something else. However, I still think that regardless of what the thing is that I've lost, I'm thankful for what I do have, and the people that I have to share it with. I found a man who understands me, and likes being with me. Stuff comes and goes, but friendship, partnership, and love are much deeper and longer-lasting. Maybe it's not forever, but it's longer than the time my stuff will last!

So how do you let go of things that you're holding on to? You realise that in the grand scheme of things, they only take up a very small amount of importance. When you feel yourself getting caught up in the daily dramas, and stressing yourself out to the point of physical pain, it might be time to breathe, step back, and contemplate all you've done thus far, and all you'll do in the future. And that at the end of the day, whether or not you do something just so, or get something done just so, really isn't going to stop the sun from rising.

And then, you let go.