27 July 2008

.mac Rant

One of the philosophies of good software is to change very little. When you do change things, it needs to be for a darned good reason. This was one of the major problems that Microsoft faced when they switched over to Vista/Office 2007. You were talking about software and tasks that people had been used to using since 1995. That's a long time to have been using (essentially) the same interface.

Mind you, with .mac, you had a fair bit less history. From around the early 2000s, people could use the service to have fully integrated mail, backups, bookmarks, whatever. However, when you think of what's come out since then, some of these features become obsolete. For one thing, gmail is free, and provides me with this free blog space, as well as both imap and web mail that are in sync, without having to TELL it to sync. The mailbox is so large that you need not delete anything at all.

Want a website? There are hundreds of hosting options out there, with and without web interfaces available to make changes on the fly. Suffice it to say that using proprietary software (iWeb) to make changes to your site sort of limits you to what you want to do. Nope. Not worth it.

If you want to sync calendars and the like, Google has you covered, for free. Bookmarks? http://del.icio.us has a pretty useful service. Best part is that you can share your list if you want to. Web image galleries? Photobucket does a good job. Picasa does a really good job too. Both offer free hosting.

What am I stabbing at? I don't see the point of paying $90+ a year for services that aren't even all that useful. If you're getting a new mac, ignore the "Free trial" of .mac. You can do so much more without shelling out so much money.

22 July 2008

Stone Soup

I'm sure that you can tell, if you know the tale, that my favourite story is Stone Soup. If you don't know the tale, I'll tell the version I heard years ago from one of my high school teachers (she loved using fables to help dissect higher forms of literature).

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A short time after the war, a solider headed back home on foot, as he had very little money left over after the years of fighting. The villages that he passed were as poor as he was, because the whole country's resources had been drained by the war. Few farmers had time to till their fields, as they were out on the front lines of battle. Because of this, people closely guarded what little food they had left.

The soldier came upon a small village, with only a few houses, huddled together, as if to give each other support. He asked around for some food, and maybe a place to sleep. Unfortunately, as the villagers were desperately poor too, he was met with "We have nothing to eat ourselves! How can we share with you?"

"I understand," he said. "Since you good people have nothing to share with me, I will then have to share with you. Can somebody please loan me a large iron pot, filled with water?"

"Whatever for," asked the innkeeper.

"I am going to make stone soup for the entire village, and I need a pot big enough to feed everyone."

The innkeeper looked doubtful, but he sent his wife to fetch a pot, while he went to draw water from the well. The soldier went out into the surrounding forest, and came back with a few hefty armfuls of wood. He built a large, cheerful fire, and set down the pot of water onto the fire.

"Now," he announced, "I will add the most important ingredient: the magic stone used to make stone soup." He slipped a large, smooth stone into the pot of water, and watched the water come up to the boil. While the water heated, he chatted with the crowd of villagers that was slowly beginning to build up around him. Never had they seen someone cook such a large meal in public like that!

"Stone soup is filling and tasty on its own, but I've noticed that it's always better with a bit of salt and pepper." One of the villagers brightened, and said, "I have some salt and pepper! I'll be right back." He ran to his house, and returned with a small jar of salt, and a bit of black pepper. The solider thanked the villager, and added some to the pot.

He told tales of his travels across the land, and how he'd had Stone Soup with cabbage, and carrots. Two others broke off from the group, and returned in a short while with some cabbage and carrots. The soldier thanked them as well. "What else goes well with Stone Soup," asked another man. "Potatoes are wonderful in Stone Soup! So are turnips." Shortly thereafter, a bunch of turnips and potatoes were tipped into the large, and more delicious smelling pot of soup.

As the time wore on, more and more villagers brought more and more things to help build the taste of stone soup: lentils, dried herbs, squash, and garlic and onion. The soup filled the village square with its delicious smells, and the laughter of the people filled the village with the resounding cheer that can only come when many friends come together.

The soldier explained all the different manifestations of Stone Soup, and how this one would be the best of all, because this village had such a variety of ingredients. Finally, the soup was done, and the soldier ladled out as much soup as anyone wanted to eat. The whole village was well fed, and in a much more happy mood, as they'd just spent all this time together, in the company of neighbours and friends, to make something that everyone can share.

The next morning, after the last vestiges of the soup were being scraped from the bottom of the pot, the soldier thanked everyone for the wonderful meal, and made to leave on his journey home again. The mayor and the rest of the villagers begged the man to sell his magic stone to them, so that they could continue to feed the village when he left. He refused, and said, "I won't sell it to you, but I'll give it to all of you, to share. Whenever the village is going through times of need, make Stone Soup, and share it with whoever wants it. On that condition, I'll give you my magic stone." Of course, the villagers heartily agreed, and the man passed on his "magic" stone with a twinkle in his eye.

-----------------------------------------------

I know there's other versions out there, and that in some of them, it's more than one soldier, in others, he refuses to sell the stone, and in still others, there's more reluctance on the part of the villagers. This is the version I remember (with my own embellishments added; what kind of story teller doesn't put his own mark on a story!?), and it's one that I hope you enjoy. A group that exemplifies the spirit of Stone Soup is called Food not Bombs. Check them out, when you get a chance, and start a local chapter if you don't have one already.

20 July 2008

Party Time, Cake

My friends J and J can really throw an awesome party. I was there last night, along with Steve, and a bunch of their other friends. It started with sangria and the Nintendo Wii (which seems like a fun, party like console, because it's got a lot of collaborative games). It ended up with Apples to Apples and beers. All in between were lots of little snackies and mucnchables. I made cake.

It went really fast.

2 cups Flour, White
1 tsp Baking Soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup Sugar
1/2 cup apple juice
1/2 cup Soy Milk
1 tablespoon Vinegar, Cider
2 teaspoons Vanilla Extract
¼ teaspoon Almond Extract
3 tablespoons Oil, Canola

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350.

In a large bowl, mix together dry ingredients together. In another bowl, mix all wet. Mix together wet and dry. If the mixture seems a little too dry, feel free to add a bit of water until it's the consistency of cake batter. (I've sometimes had to add an extra 1/2 cup of juice.) Bake for 22-25 minutes until lightly golden.

You can add some fruit or nuts to it if you'd like to fancy it up. What makes it even better better is a bit of fruit jam in the centre. Basically, you bake up the cakes. Then, you slice them in half to make two rounds. Then, spread both rounds with the jam of your liking, and close the rounds like a sandwich. Slice, and eat! Wonderful with tea.

People were surprised that it was vegan, and easy, and good. I was glad they all enjoyed it.

J & J are good hosts, because they knew not to force anything to happen. When natural clumps of people formed, the two of them circulated amongst the clumps. One would be playing the video game, while the other was fetching more food or drink from the kitchen. And, at not point did J & J hang out together; that would defeat the point of entertaining, wouldn't it!?

Finally, when we did settle in for the Apples to Apples game (lots of fun; get it if you are having a party!), everyone had already been thoroughly entertained, and were ready to sit down for a bit, and have back and forth chatter. We ambled out of their house fairly late. It was definitely a party to remember!

16 July 2008

I made some chickpeas today, and noticed that I had no potatoes (chickpeas and potatoes are a classic Indian combo that works extremely well together). I did, however have plantains. I peeled them (because for this particular recipe, I was trying to get close to the texture of potatoes. I diced them up, and microwaved them for about five minutes. I added it into the chickpeas (with cumin seeds, sesame seeds, turmeric, onions, ginger, and garlic). It's freaking AWESOME! I prefer them to potatoes, because they stay together better, and don't make a mushy mash.

09 July 2008

Creamy Baked Kale

1 kg Kale
1 tin Cocoanut milk (I think my tin is like 414 mL or something)
2 tins water (so, that's like 800 ml?)
1 TB curry powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper (or, to taste)

Preheat the oven to 350F.

Remove the leaves from the stalks of kale. Whiz up the stems in a food processor, or mince them up with a knife.

Combine a bit of cocoanut milk with the curry powder, salt, and pepper. Sprinkle the spices and cocoanut milk over the kale's leaves. With both hands, vigorously massage the leaves of kale. Be rough with the leaves, and really get those spices worked into the kale.

Dump the kale leaves, stems, cocoanut milk, water, and any leftover spices you have, into a large casserole dish, roasting dish, or whatever other baking dish you have that you can cover up. Essentially, you want the whole lot to steam slowly in the oven.

Let it sit there in the oven for about 45 minutes, or until it's done to your liking. Serve as is, or with rice, or bread, or whatever.

Dijon Hummus ...

The last time I made a batch of hummos, I decided to switch things up a bit. What I normally do is dump the garlic in the food processor, add a bit of oil, and let 'er rip. Then I add a bit of of the cooked chickpeas, and make a sort of quickie emulsion. Then I add any of the lemon juice, tahini, and any other sort of spice I'm trying to add. This is normal.

Things got weird when I was distracted by the phone ringing. I answered the phone, had my conversation, and hung up the phone. I walked back to the food processor. I squeezed in a good tablespoon or three of dijon mustard. For whatever reason, my distracted brain was thinking that I was making dressing. I don't know why.

I didn't notice my mistake until well after the thing was made. Oh. Dear. GODS. It was so good, and I think I'll be repeating this every time after this.

06 July 2008

The Big City, Suburbs, Rural, or some hut in the wods?

I find that I'm at my happiest when I'm in very large cities. I like the feeling of being able to get anything on my own, without having to rely on a car, or other people with a car (the latter is usually the case, as I don't have a driving permit). I also like having constant access to the one major mark of a civilised city: mass transit. Preferably clean, efficient, and reliable mass transit. I noticed the marked difference between available mass transit, and a sorry excuse for one, when visiting my sister in CT. I thought that I had it bad in Florida, where you'd have to wait like 40 minutes or so for the bus to arrive, and 1 hour for the trains.

Little did I notice that at every train station (because the trains in FL are similar to the NJ Transit rail road system, or the Metro North, where you're meant to traverse large distances, rather than go for quick jaunts), there was a free shuttle that connected you to the most commonly used regions of that particular city, as well as the mass transit for that local city. This meant that for the cost of a train ticket, you could go to where you needed to be, get your work done, and get back, with a minimum of walking. The buses were often late (and if you were running late, they'd be running early!), but they were /there/. I can't say the same for the sorry state of the CT mass transit. Frankly, it sucks.

Suffice it to say, I don't have much patience for the suburbs. Puppy, on the other hand, does enjoy it. He likes the trees, the quiet, and the general lack of much of anything to do. Mind, he doesn't like the idea of having to be committed to it permanently, but for him, it's like a vacation to "get away from it all." For me, getting away from the bustle of the city would be going to Washington DC, or Chicago, where things are a lot more relaxed. Somehow, this pace just doesn't do it for me. Any time you want to do ANYTHING, it takes the better part of an hour to make it happen. Contrast this with New York, where you make plans, and execute them in the space of minutes (Oh! I'm in the village too! Wanna meet for lunch? Cool.).

But then, aside from all of that, my uncle has a farm (out there in India). That's the worst of the worst. It's removed from everything, and you can see in all directions, and there's nothing to break the monotony, except more trees. That is the scariest for me. At least with those wildernessy places, people are well prepared, y'know?

If you've noticed, people who live in those little huts in the middle of nothing will have rather nice ... diversions. Everything is top of the line, because it needs to be, since getting a new one involves so much effort.

My friend said it best: "Dino belongs in dinoland". Back to Dinoland I go.

05 July 2008

Quiet Time

The family (and Steve) have gone out for a bit, and it's quiet. I like this.

03 July 2008

And back to CT

It's my sister's husband's birthday, and Steve's got a 3 day weekend coming up. He's been getting quite antsy to leave and go somewhere outside of Manhattan, where Nature and other related crap abound. So, we're doing the CT thing tonight. We'll be leaving NY at 5 PM, and be in CT at like 7:00. I had my mother listen to the podcast, and she had some wonderful suggestions to take it from good to great. I'm definitely looking forward to implementing some of those plans, and seeing where it goes.

See, that's what I love about my mother. She encourages, but always has her eye on how to always strive for the best that you can do. I love hearing "wow, that's so good," but equally much, I love hearing, "but to sort of break it up a little, so that it's all easier to digest, why not try asking a friend to ask you the questions, so that when they hear your responses, their brain can remember it?" Furthermore, she also suggested that I ask a woman to help me out, because the contrast between a male and female voice is far stronger than two males. I'm going to see if my sister's amenable to it when I go there this weekend, and will report back with details later. Let's even see if I can remember to get to it, right? Suffice it to say, it feels like whenever I do talk to my mother, it's never about just idle chatter. Whenever we speak, I come out of the situation, I gain something from it, be it perspective, advice, or any number of other equally important things that I need at the time.

30 June 2008

CT Again, Begin Again

Of course, since the Big Day of the Baby Arrival is nearing, I'm not taking chances, and am making it out to CT when I get a chance. So, I missed the giant GLBT Pride parade/events in NYC, but got to hang out with my family, which does trump drinking and dancing (and so much fun!) in the city, right? Suffice it to say that although I did miss out on the wild and crazy times, I feel like it was worth the trip.

Of course, now that they're on their way out of CT, we find the bus line that runs about 10 minutes from their front door. And costs about the same as the railway, and take about the same time (total time), to drop me off here, vs dropping me off in New Haven, which is a goodly hour or so away. Sheesh. I'll be dashing back to New York tomorrow morning. No wait. It's 4:30 AM. I'll be dashing back to NY in a couple of hours.

I don't know why, but for whatever reason, my mother and sister (and the rest, I think) can't figure out why I want to head back to Manhattan so soon after arriving.

...

I'm serious.

That's OK though. As long as they know that I do need to head back, and don't make too terribly much fuss about it, I'm sure we'll all be fine.

28 June 2008

They DO love me!

My friend Lisa made a craft of me:


http://lisadunaway.com/xstitched.htm

Is that not AWESOME!?

Heading out to CT again ...

I don't know how much longer my sister (and thereby, my parents) are going to be staying in CT, because they all seem ready to roll right now. For that reason, I'll be making yet another trip out to CT (WATCH THE GAP!!111), and hanging out with family again. Fortunately, this time, Steve's going to be amused while I'm gone. My friend sent me his old PS2, and Steve's enjoying himself immensely. I think.

Either way, he's bound to have even more fun once Katamari Damacy comes in (I ordered it online), and Kingdom Hearts. I'm not a fan of violent stuff, be it movies, TV programming, or video games, so they're not coming into the house to begin with. Fortunately, Steve respects my sensibilities, and doesn't go out and buy those things either. I'm not too fussed what anyone does outside of my hearing/seeing, but I don't approve of supporting those games that are violent with my money. I have a filthy sailor mouth, but I don't like violent media, especially when there are so many things to do that don't involve prolonged exposure to that sort of thing, all of which are as entertaining, if not more so.

How did this turn into a Dino rant? I don't know.

Suffice it to say that I'm loading up my iPod with some fun podcasts (including my own; is it weird that I don't mind listening to myself talk?), like the Vegan Freak Radio podcast, The Angry Hippie, some Vegetarian Food for Thought, and (oddly enough) Brini Maxwell. Yes, it's a guilty pleasure: I enjoy drag queens who dress in 1970s clothes, and say, "Now why didn't you think of that" in an adorable way. Barring that, there's sounds of the rainforest, sounds of the ocean, and a couple of sounds of ... rain to put me to sleep if I need it.

For the record: the squirrels up here in the North are a lot fatter than the ones in Florida. Also, the ones up here have the cutest white tummies, just like on the cartoons. And they do frolic. Quite nice. Just thought I'd share.

27 June 2008

Appa

What are those things that stand out about yourself? If someone were asked to describe you, what would come to the forefront? To those of you that know me: what are those things that stick out in your mind about me? If someone asked you who I am, what would you say?

Appa (father, in Tamil) taught me just as much as Amma (mother, in Tamil) did, but in different ways. My earliest memories of the kitchen come from Amma. We'd be chatting about random things, while she would interject with "See how I'm doing this? If you don't do it this way, it doesn't come out properly!" I would take careful note of how she did whatever it is, and file it away into my capacious memory bank.

However, most of what I learned from both my parents came from watching, rather than talking. For example, I picked up (from Amma) the trick of quickly taking the pot off of the heat while popping spices, thereby avoiding the pitfalls of burned spices. She never explicitly told me to do such a thing, but when you watch as carefully as I did, you pick up those things subconsciously, and follow them through in your own life. And so, I'd like to set the record straight about Appa. Although his relationship with food was in a capacity of "Food should be medicine," he still did pass on a few things that I find myself doing to this day.

For as far back as I can remember, Appa was always fastidious about having some form of raw vegetable with every meal. Whether those vegetables were carrots, onions, cucumbers, tomatoes, or whatever else depended solely on what was available. Regardless of what it was, he ensured that he had some sort of salad-like thing accompanying each meal. I picked up on this habit, and make sure to have raw vegetables in close proximity to every meal. It's not always with the meal; sometimes I have to wait a little while because my stomach has no room left, but I do make sure to have it.

That leads me to the next point. Appa is, was, and always will be the ultimate grazer. Regardless of where he worked, he would forever have squirreled away some form of nuts, sandwiches, and raisins. He loves all nuts very dearly, but peanuts have a special place in his heart. In fact, now that I come to think of it, I recall that his bedroom always had bottles of peanuts, in various stages of emptiness. Mind you, his favourite nuts are cashews and pistachios, but those two can get expensive, and fast. If it's not nuts, it's potato crisps. Whatever it is, he's constantly munching on something or other.

Anybody who's watched me eat knows that I'm a big-time grazer. I don't like to eat large meals, but prefer to have a choice of a few different varieties, that I take in small quantities. This way, I split up my meals into eight to ten small meals throughout the day.

No discussion about Appa is complete without a nod to cocoanut. In every form, Appa loves cocoanut. Cooked, raw, in salads, in soups or stews, the water, the mature cocoanut, the tender cocoanut. All of them please Appa immensely. Come to think of it, he's actually not a fan of cocoanut that's been cooked too much. He feels that it changes the quality of it, and prefers to have it raw, or just barely cooked for the last couple of minutes in a dish that's done cooking on the stove.

Finally, there's the salt issue. Appa is vehemently opposed to cooked salt. That is, he (and my mother, once she met him) believes that to add salt towards the beginning of cooking means that you're letting the salt penetrate, and destroying the health benefits of the food. It's fine to add salt at the end of the cooking, at the table, or (preferably, in his eyes) not at all. To this day, I feel funny about adding salt while I'm cooking.

There are, for sure, many other things where Appa has influenced me, but these are the ones that really stick out in my mind. If you were to mention these things to any of his family, they'd give a knowing look, and respond with "Yup! That's him!" They are so quintessentially him that I had no trouble thinking them up, and writing about them.

I wonder if I have any such distinct features about me?

26 June 2008

I think you've got a problem ...

I've been watching that TV show, "You Are What You Eat," on BBC. On it, the nutritionist discusses how people get addicted to different foods, be they salty, fatty, or sugary. This is up to and including drink, caffeine, and other vices. However, I was thinking: What constitutes a "problem," and what's just an unhealthy like? At what point does one go from really enjoying a vice to where it becomes an Issue?

I started thinking it over. I'd say that I have a drinking problem when it got to where I was vomitting, blacking out, or unable to live life from the hangovers on a regular basis. I'd consider a caffeiene addiction to be out of control when I regularly felt jittery, my stomach protested over the amount of acid in there and I felt nauseous, or when I started peeing out dark coloured pee (a sign of dehydration). But with food, the lines are a little more blurred, aren't they? With an addiction, you can set it down, and go into recovery mode. With food, you face it every day, three times a day.

I'm sort of conflicted, you know? I've been able to reign in my smoking habit to where I can do without for a day or two, or do with a cigarette (versus the pack a day I used to need to suck down to survive). With the rest of it all, I'm getting it to where it's not interfering with day to day life. But with food, I am concerned.

I bought a box of cereal as a special treat, and Steve munched through it in like 3 days. I got a package of crisps for myself, and managed to get through that in 3 days as well. He's got a thing for sugar, and I've got it for salt. Between the two of us, we'd cheerfully down crap all day. Mind you, we also both have serious love for fat. I made a very large pot of vegetable soup. It was /good/ not great. Then I tipped in a tin of cocoanut milk (it's like a cup and change). Boom. It was as if bathing in that tin of evil made it so much more perfect than ever.

Fortunately, we also really love our fresh fruit and veg. I can power through a pound of peaches in no time flat. Leave me along long enough with strawberries, and you'll have none left. I can easily polish off a watermelon. My favourite of all time, however, is raspberry. Nothing compares to the tart, sweet, lovely goodness of those little aggregate fruits.

So maybe I just enjoy eating what I enjoy?

Also, I'm addicted to cute dogs:


16 June 2008

Potluck in Jersey

Jersey was a lot of fun. We cooked a tonne of food, the people who came were friendly and laid back, and the whole experience was gilded by the way that we all just clicked when it came to working together in the kitchen. I think I'll do a podcast episode about running a good potluck. Should be interesting to see what I come up with, eh?

Another friend, Kristin, made a comment about her spice drawer. There are those people who do things so beautifully and so well, that you must stand up and applaud them for it. Check hers out:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/snowboardbunny/2580814648/

It's really a thing of beauty, isn't it? Now, can you imagine being in Kristin's kitchen, with all that beauty laid out before you, and putting together a meal? Just stop, and reflect for a moment: when you have things laid out in a beautiful manner, doesn't it make you want to use those things more? If your kitchen is tidy and organised, you'll be encouraged to cook in it more often. When you're cooking for yourself, you're seeing to it that the only person who controls what's going in is YOU! Can anyone else really season something exactly the way you like it? Never! Get out there, and use the inspiration to create things of beauty, both in the pantry, and in the rest of the kitchen.


13 June 2008

Sister's Baby Shower, part 3


In every trip, there are things that stand out in your mind. Of course, for me, the first thing that sticks out was the wiggly, squirmy little puppy that found a new friend and was trying to lick my eye. He was so cute, and friendly. A good doggy all around. If you've ever read The Celery Stalks at Midnight, you will recognise the physical embodiment of Howie. SUCH the cutest little guy.



Once the tyre went flat, I decided that now would be a damned good time for photo shoot time. My parents got out, and we posed in front of the pretty flowers. Believe it or not, this was in front of the flower bushes at a rest stop, just out of Stamford, CT! In front of a fast food restaurant! Very odd, eh?

09 June 2008

Sister's Baby Shower, pt 2

If you want to make the gods laugh, tell them your plans.

Original plan was to head out of the house at 2:30~ish, and get to the Baby Shower place by 3:00. Ish. Then, we were supposed to help set up, and have everyone arrive around 5:00. Reality struck, however, and the lady of the hour ended up sleeping far too many hours. Nobody was properly roused until around 3:45. Eventually, around 4:00, everyone managed to wake up. Then (give or take), at 4:30, after much clattering around, and confusion (up to and including the confusion with how to make the back most seat of the van go upright), we managed to get a move on. Then came traffic. Then came a giddy moment, where all of us finally broke through the chaos of the road, and made the final, mad dash to Glastonbury (from Middletown), and got to the lady's house.

We arrived around 5:00. Not too many people were there, but the lady of the house was (understandably) flustered. Unfortunately, this transmitted itself to my mother, who also started to get frustrated. After a bit of bumping of heads, and confusion, I decided to take charge.

You see, my mother and I had started cooking early that morning, and had everything neatly into those aluminium trays that you get at the store where they cook large amounts of food, and serve it at events. This meant that when we arrived at the shower place, all we had to do was fling everything into the oven, and keep everything hot. There was everything from appetisers to entrees, and everything was oven ready. Once the lady of the house saw that I knew how to work her oven, she stepped aside, handed me the reigns, and just let me take over. Of course, my mother being who she is, had been bragging to all these people that I'm /that/ Dino, the vegan cook book author and Manhattan vegan chef bla bla bla. When they saw that I'm not a blundering idiot, it was a simple question of everyone finding the evidence for themselves, rather than my really having to prove myself over much.

When you are introduced as such-and-such to a group of people (by someone they trust), they'll start looking for evidence to back that up. This is why it's so dangerous for parents to label their children (the smart one, the pretty one, the difficult one, the one who is a fussy eater). Every time that parent's adult friends interact with that child, they'll have that echo bouncing around in their heads. As they see even the slightest evidence to support that label, they start using the same label as well. I kid you not, but within a few minutes of the other women arriving into the house, my name had run ahead of me on winged feet.

I was making quick work of a half of watermelon, and slicing the juicy, ripe fruit into thin slices (so that it's easy to pick up and eat), while deftly making an ever-growing pile of rinds to one side. Mind you, slicing watermelon is not a difficult task. Neither is setting already cooked food in a tray, and turning on the oven to warm it. Slicing cupcakes in half, and arranging those halves on a plate isn't exactly rocket science. In fact, nothing I was doing was really all that extraordinary, but it wasn't just "Dino" doing it, it was "Dino the cookbook author and professional cook" doing it. This meant that not only am I an Indian male (a group notorious for being unhelpful in the kitchen, which was a cause for major delight to these women, whose husbands mostly lurked in the background, socialising with each other) taking charge of his baby sister's event, and doing so competently, but that I was also a professional, who came all the way from New York City to see to it that everything went smoothly (and it was).

It ended up where the ladies would offer suggestions, but it would be exactly that: a suggestion. Rather than ending up being an event where everyone was flustered, I was able to orchestrate the food handling, while keeping up a steady stream of chatter with anyone within ear shot, so that I didn't seem to be asocial in what should be a celebratory event. AND THE THING IS? I've done exactly this sort of thing a hundred times before, back in Florida, or any other place I've visited, but it never had the same effect as did this one, where I'm the pro, taking charge. Before now, it's mostly been "our dear friend Dino, who's a damned good cook, who offered to help us put dinner together for our friends."

That being said, I don't think that I would have been able to deflect the situation had a few prerequisites not been met:

1. All the cooking was done by the time we left the house. No new cooking was required at all.

2. I had no clue who any of these people were, and the feeling was mutual. They didn't know that I'm just a laid back guy, who's used to being in the eye of a storm of chaos, and making all the different pieces function as a coherent whole. I didn't know that my mother and sister were so close to the lady of the house, that both of them would have gotten equally flustered at seeing her flustered. I just took charge when I saw that nobody else was.

3. My reputation preceded me. My mother has been talking about how proud she is of her vegan cook author son since forever. Frankly, she's sung my praises (in terms of cooking) ever since I started cooking alone in the kitchen. From a very early age, I am used to hearing her sincere pride at my love for being around food, and handling it so well. My mother is one of those people who doesn't give out praise unless it's deserved, and she has no illusions as to what her children are. When we screw up, she is the first to admit it. However, when we do well, she's equally quick to tell anyone who will listen about how proud she is of her talented child.

4. The people there are generally laid back people. If anyone there had been uptight, or nasty, I would have immediately withdrawn to my computer or cell phone, and promptly ignored everyone. I don't like unpleasant company, and will make a concerted effort to avoid such people when necessary.

Finally, around 9:00 or so, we all started to head out to our respective cars. My sister's friends had come up from New York with another one of her friends from New Jersey, so I asked that group of four to come back to her place, and hang out for a bit before going back home. They were all glad to do so, and we all trouped back to my sister's house as a little mini caravan. We get into the house, and instantly, everyone lets her or his hair down. We got comfortable on couches, they had some coffee, and we all started chattering away rapidly.

What was supposed to be a quick 10 - 20 minute visit ended up stretching out into a quick game of Taboo, and then a good deal of cross conversations, where Barbara explained Passover to my mother and brother-in-law. Actually, it was more like Barbara and I both explained Passover, because I think that Cliff has made me an honorary Jew. Mazel Tov, and all that. Half way through the discussion about Shabbat, and Yom Kippur, and Kibbutzes, and the serious schelp you have to make from Central Jersey out to Trenton, or Manhattan, we lost track of time, because that's what happens when you combine a group of people who enjoy talking (and talking with each other). Throw two mothers into the mix (and a mother-to-be), and there is no /way/ anyone is moving anywhere until there's been plenty of laughter and hearty well wishes going down on all sides.

My mother, my sister, and the lady of the house where we had the shower made sure to thank me profusely for taking charge (which I was happy to do; it's like Cliff says "It's easy to point the finger out there, but we need to point right back to ourselves and TAKE CHARGE!); and take charge I did! The New York group left around 12:30 (because goodbye takes such a long time to say properly, doesn't it?), and everything here wrapped up around 2:00. After a nice chat with Steve, I finished writing this up.

Suffice it to say that coming back to my family reminds me why I am so close with my mother, and reminds me why I'm thankful for being physically far away. The two of us can talk a blue streak, but repeated exposure will probably come back to bite us all in the butt. We can all easily handle measured doses, but much more than that, and there is bound to be unhappy friction. As usual, I can't sleep out here, because it's so quiet and comatose. I miss the sounds of the sirens at midnight, and the traffic. The quiet is just disconcerting. Can't wait to get back home.


08 June 2008

Sister's Baby Shower, pt 1

The following groups of people:

young children
teenagers
husbands (wives?)
newly: in love, pregnant, or independent
siblings
parents

will automatically feel that their chosen course of action is automatically correct, irrespective of evidence, argument, cajoling, bitching, screaming, or otherwise. They will also automatically take any objection(s) to their chosen course of action as a reason to make a point, and will more vehemently pursue said course of action. This means that the simplest manner of making someone do something stupid/painful/annoying/wrong is to tell him/her/it/or them that such a thing is forbidden, off limits, stupid, dumb, annoying, or going to cause discomfort for any and all parties concerned.

Again, bear in mind that logic cannot and will not enter the picture.

Case in point: once I got it into my head to move to New York City, there was nothing that anyone could say to deter me from that chosen course. This meant that in spite of guilt trips from my parents, unsupportive friends, lack of employment, crappy weather, lack of housing, and lack of money, I continued to doggedly pursue the idea of moving to New York City. This included running head first into my least favourite season (the cold ones), while barely having enough coming in from the last pay cheque to pay for the flight! This also meant that every time someone called me crazy, or tried to tell me to slow down, or save up, or stop and think for a moment, I would become that much more determined to follow through with my plans, and see it to its natural course.

Had I done things the "smart" way, I would have lined up my resources, one by one, and made the move comfortable with the support of my family (who would have done so, had they been given sufficient time to follow up on their contacts and resources), more money siting around to make it happen, or any number of other basic comforts that I didn't really bother to pursue, because it wasn't Priority Number One Which Is More Important Than Anything Else Right Now. What would that be? Duh.

Being right.

You see, when you /know/ that you're right, nothing short of thunderous, utter, abject, humiliating failure will even force you to consider that you could be wrong. Instead, you will wildly blame everything else except the primary cause: you screwed up, pally.

Enter the case of my family member as exhibit B.

Let's say, for the sake of argument (or, in this case, to avoid argument), that this family member wanted to sew party favours for her baby shower. Suppose also that the same party favours could have been bought at a craft store for a little bit more money, and at a comparable quality, to the stuff that she was making. Suppose also that in the course of doing this, she was going to use up a considerable amount of time, effort, and expensive stuff. Finally, when the day is done (and what a long day it's been), in spite of my mother repeatedly telling her that it's a stupid project to pursue, especially when it's a party that other people are throwing for her, and that she should really be relaxing, she managed to crank out a respectable amount of party favours.

However, she's used up a LOT of time, and effort, and money in making said favours happen.

FOR THE RECORD: My family member did not sew party favours. I'm using the example, so as to avoid incriminating the involved parties, and to generalise the example, rather than to cite specifics. As I sincerely value my head, in all its beauty, I choose to change the names of the people involved, not to protect their identity, but to protect my own!

Suffice it to say, my mother got thoroughly and completely pissed, and the family member got equally pissed. Both sides ended up going off to their respective corners. I'm not sure what's going to happen. Not really bothered. I've done my job by arriving, and not being a totally asocial bum. It's the most we can all ask of me, right?


07 June 2008

I'm not nuts!

See? It looks like I'm not the only one who loves my spice drawer! Vegan blogger Jeannie also uses a spice drawer for her spices. She labelled the top of them with those cute little white labels that you can print on.

Check it out!

Thanks so much, Jeannie! I feel vindicated.

It's funny how when you're sitting there with your iPod, people don't necessarily bother you (although some do), but if you whip out the laptop, and start typing at random, they leave you alone, as if you're in the middle of either divine inspiration, or in the middle of Really Hard Work. Let's be honest, though. I have no books open. I've got no reports sitting in front of me. No notebooks. Not a PDA. Not a cell phone. Nothing at all. However, they'll assume that I'm doing Important work, even if I have an amused look on my face.

I wonder if it works the same way for writing? I'll have to experiment some time.

The thing is, people find me easy to talk to, because I don't glare with hostility at anyone whose eye rests on my face for more than a fraction of a second. People seem to mistake my lack of hostility for an invitation to chatter on for however long it takes to complete the journey, or until I leave in annoyance or frustration. I'll be sure to report back on it.

For now, I'm in the train, and it's seriously quite crowded. In other words, I'm thinking that this shield in front of me is what's preventing long, boring conversations based around the beauty of trees, their sleepy little hamlets, or whatever other garbage these people are interested in. Again, I'll keep you posted as much as possible.

29 May 2008

How to tell that your mushrooms are fresh.

Look under its cap. If your mushroom's cap meets the stem, you're looking at a very fresh mushroom. That is, with a very fresh mushroom, the gills will be covered by skin flaps coming up from under the cap. If the cap doesn't meet the stem, but still folds underneath itself, it's still fairly fresh. If the cap spreads out and points outwards or upwards, you're looking at a really old mushroom.

Don't know what I'm talking about? Check out this neat website that I found for people who are visual (like me). It's called the Visual Dictionary. Here's a link to a picture of a mushroom:

http://www.infovisual.info/01/024_en.html

I learned this trick while watching a Julia Child episode. She is forever giving you little hints and tricks as she goes along. PS This refers to white button mushrooms. Other varieties may or may not have different criteria.

26 May 2008

Quick recipes

Pudina Chatni (Mint Sauce)
3 parts Mint leaves
1/2 part water
1/2 lemon or lime juice

Per 1 part water and 3 parts mint:
2 shallots, diced (you may use 3 tablespoons chopped onion and 1 clove garlic instead)
1/2 tsp salt
1 green thai bird pepper (optional)
1/2 tsp garam masala

Place the mint leaves, shallots, salt, thai bird epper, and garam masala into the jar of a blender. Pour in all of the lemon juice. Pour in a couple of tablespoons of water. Gently pulse the blender until the mint leaves are roughly chopped up, and not while anymore. Pour in the rest of the water, and let the blender work on high until you get a fine, green paste. To make a milder sauce, remove the seeds from the thai bird pepper, or omit it. Mint chatni keeps for about a week or two in the fridge.

Dhania Chatni (cilantro sauce)
3 parts cilantro leaves
1/2 part water
1/2 part lemon or lime

Per 1 part water, and 3 parts cilantro:
1 TB grated ginger
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 small onion, chopped
3 thai bird peppers
1 tsp black pepper
1 tsp cumin powder

Place all ingredients in the blender, and blend on high until you get a smooth paste.

These recipes are the applications of herbs that I mention in my latest Podcast episode. Please let me know what you think!

25 May 2008

Sauce interview, Pt 5

OK, last two questions (for now!) …

Any favorite or little-known-but-fantastic-and-easy tips for using spices and ready-made sauces you want to share?

Any words of encouragement for people who, for one reason or another – lack of experience, bad luck in the past, intimidated by TV chefs, whatever – still may lack the confidence to try out things in the kitchen?

Finally, not a question, but thanks so much for imparting all this information and enthusiasm for healthy, natural, delicious, peaceful foods. Much appreciated, and I hope we can do it again sometime.


Any favorite or little-known-but-fantastic-and-easy tips for using spices and ready-made sauces you want to share?
The microwave, of course!

Whenever I'm in a severe rush, I'm never embarrassed to use the microwave. Heck, sometimes I use it even when I'm not in a hurry. There's nothing wrong with setting a pot of rice to cook in the rice cooker, chopping up a bunch of root vegetables (yams, potatoes, what have you), tossing them with some oil, and your spice blend (Mrs. Dash, curry powder, garam masala, whatever), and letting it rip in the microwave for a while. As for sauces, I tend to save those for occasions when a large pot of soup or stew is coming up flat for some reason. Suppose you've just made a fairly large vegetable stew. At the end, you taste for seasoning, and you notice that it's all well cooked and such, but it's severely lacking in flavours. This is when you start experimenting (quickly) with your ready made sauces. Grab a few small bowls, and ladle a bit of stew into them. Line up your sauces, and try each bowl with a different one. Once you've found the combination you like, start pitching it into the pot! It will taste fine soon enough!

The reason I use sauces in this manner, is because they've already been processed in such a way that the flavours are already well developed. Spice blends, on the other hand, are in a sort of suspended animation, and are waiting to release their stuff. This is why I suggest the dry cooking in the microwave: the fast cooking speed is hot enough to pull out the flavour of the spices quickly. Don't be afraid of substituting a different sauce for a different purpose. For example, if all this time, you've only had sweet potatoes with cinnamon, sugar, and a dash of nutmeg, why not give them a shot of barbecue sauce, and see where the adventure takes you? If you've only used soy sauce (or tamari) in stir fry dishes, why not try soy sauce over steamed vegetables? Start thinking outside of the box. These ready made sauces are meant specifically to work with a wide range of foods. Chances are, you'll hit on something new that you like.

Any words of encouragement for people who, for one reason or another – lack of experience, bad luck in the past, intimidated by TV chefs, whatever – still may lack the confidence to try out things in the kitchen?
Don't look at the intimidating ones, but think of the most popular ones. Julia Child. Martin Yan (Yan Can Cook!). Graham Kerr. Rachel Ray. What did all these people have in common? For one thing, their shows are filmed live. You could see when they made mistakes, and have accidents. For another thing, they stressed that you try to have a knowledge of what you're doing, rather than have a strict adherence to specific amounts and rules.

I don't think I've ever seen Julia Child measure food in her show. She just knew what it looked like in the dish, because she knew that it's not going to make a huge difference if she got a little more or a little less in the pan. She can always adjust later, as needed. Look at Rachel Ray. She doesn't pull out measuring spoons; she tells you to "eyeball" it. The reason that these TV cooks are popular is because they're showing you how to prepare food in the way that most people do in their own homes. Even though they're all following recipes, they still don't bother being all that retentive about it, because that's how you learn. I remember being in the kitchen with my mother. The two of us would be keeping up a steady stream of chatter while working on the food. Sometimes, we'd make a fairly big mistake ("oops! I forgot to chop the onions, mom." "Well, leave it out then."), and in the end, it wasn't that huge a deal.

One such time was this Friday night that we were rushing to get dinner ready. We had more people than we thought we would, and were rushing, because they were set to arrive soon. Usually, in a proper daal, you have to chop up some onions, some garlic, some tomato, cilantro, curry leaves, and set up a series of five or six spices. Everything needs to be there to give an authentic feeling. That evening, we hadn't the time to bother with all that. Instead, in her panic, my mother toasted some cumin seeds in hot oil, and added the lot of the cooked beans when she heard them pop. She didn't even bother adding salt. Similarly on my side, I didn't have time to make my cabbage, which involves onions, carrots, cabbage, and two or three spices, along with curry leaves. Instead, I just did the grated cabbage, grated carrot, some chopped onions, lemon juice, and some curry leaves raw, and tossed it all together.

This is all because the two of us didn't do anything in advance. Before leaving the kitchen, we set the rice cooker to get going, and ran to greet the guests. It was as if the food was high gourmet. Everyone had third helpings, and was raving about the food! There were other times when the mistakes would give us either over salted (meaning, you have to double the quantity of food, and add a bit of lemon), over cooked (add water, call it a soup), undercooked (sprinkle on just enough water to dampen, microwave until cooked through), or bland (liberally add in any sort of Chile sauce you can handle; Cholula is the best, because it has heat and lots of spices), or burned (gently pour out just exactly what's not burned, and don't scrape the bottom; soak the pot in water and soap; reseason the salvaged part to your liking, using some sort of BBQ sauce or such, which goes well with a smoky taste, then call it cajun).

These things happen to everyone, because that's the nature of the beast. The important thing is to avoid panicking, and work with it. I can't remember how many times I'd mix up the sugar for the salt, and sprinkle some in, and get very odd looks from my mother at the dinner table. We'd salvage it by adding some sour (tamarind, lemon, lime, what have you), and a bit of extra heat (cayenne, black pepper, ground chilly), and the actual salt itself. There's a reason that in my own home now, I refuse to use anything else but Turbinado sugar, and Kosher salt! Can't confuse those two, right? Here's a couple of ways to avoid disaster:

1. Until you're highly adept in the kitchen, don't let the dial go on anything higher than medium to start. That is, when you heat up oil, or pop spices, or do anything else that involves a naked pan + whatever you're adding, start at medium heat. This way, you'll understand how the pot reacts to the amount of oil you have in there. I generally start at medium when I'm in an unfamiliar kitchen for the same reason: I don't know how their cookware and stoves do things until I've gotten the hang of it. Sometimes, if the pots are very thin, and the stove is very hot, I'll mentally re-calibrate the dial. Medium is the new high, and so on.

2. Once your stove is above low heat, don't leave the room. I'm seriously not joking on this one. The reason is that the boiling point of water is 100ºC. Since water resists change in temperature very well, you can more or less count on the food in the pot staying at this temperature for the most part. However, once water has left, there is no compelling reason for the pot to remain at 100º. Instead, you'll see the temperature climb extremely rapidly, to the burning point. Soon, your smoke detector is screaming, and your family is coughing.

Just stay put. If the phone rings, or doorbell rings, and your stove is on high, turn the heat off, and handle those other things. It's better to come back to it, and pick up where you left off, rather than leave things a smoking mess. If you are an experienced cook, and are simmering a large pot of food over the lowest heat setting (such as when cooking beans, or making a Chile), feel free to cover the lid of the pot, and set a timer for about 30 minutes or so.

I use the timer in my microwave (press timer, set the amount of time you need it to time, then press timer again). I can then sit down with a book, or surf the internet for a while. I won't watch TV, because the sound of the TV will drown out the sound of the timer. When my timer goes off, I'll check on the food, and keep cooking, or set the timer for a bit longer, and relax. The point is that you don't have to babysit the kitchen the entire time you're cooking, if it's a long, slow-cooking food, but when you're in a hurry, be there to pay attention to what's going on.

3. Use the built in timer for your oven. With the oven, we often forget that it's there, because it's enclosed, and doesn't really make itself known too much. Instead of risking that, just read the manual of your stove, and figure out how to set the timer. If you have lost your manual, type into Google "how to set oven timer for ________" with the brand name of your oven. Something is bound to show up!

4. Clearly label, in BIG letters, your spices. A simple piece of white paper, taped onto the jar, will do the trick. Why? Because sometimes, you can't find your glasses. Sometimes, you're in a rush, and don't look too closely at the white powdered spice (which is baking soda, not powder, or sugar, not salt), and you sprinkle some in, thinking that you'll be fine. The food comes out, and everyone looks confused.

5. Try to keep your spices and sauces in roughly the same place every time. Don't let people take it out of that spot, if you can help it. If you use ketchup in everything, it'll be a good idea to have it in the same spot in your fridge every time you need it, so that you don't have to go searching for it. Similarly, with your other spices, if you keep them in easy reach, you'll remember to use them, and you'll know where to find them. I don't let people take my salt or pepper out of the kitchen. Instead, I measure out enough for that meal, and keep it in a separate container on the table. This way, I won't have to go searching for my salt box the next time I need it. It'll be right there, where it's always sitting.

6. Before flipping on the stove, try to have most of everything waiting for you. That is, if the recipe calls for crushed garlic, a bag of green peas, some Mrs. Dash, and some oil, try to have those things all in one spot, relatively close by. In fact, open the bag of peas, crush the garlic, and have the jar of Mrs. Dash open before flipping on the stove. You'll thank yourself later when you're not fumbling around. These guidelines should give you an insurance policy against mess-ups in the future. It won't prevent them completely, but it'll certainly help avoid major disasters. Trust me when I say that even the most experienced chefs have disasters. We just make it work for us.

Finally, not a question, but thanks so much for imparting all this information and enthusiasm for healthy, natural, delicious, peaceful foods. Much appreciated, and I hope we can do it again sometime.
For sure! This was pretty much what I'm very much suited to, right? Glad you enjoyed it as much as I did.

24 May 2008

Sauce interview, Pt 4

Awesome, thanks!

I hear you on Mexican food. It's like asking how to make music sound Mexican. Are we talking mariachi, tejano, ranchera, or norteno? I'm also with you on corn tortillas. But not asparagus. :) Thanks also for introducing the versatility of coconut milk into the discussion.

Next set of questions has to do with spices that most U.S. households are likely to have accumulated over the years, for one reason or another, even if no one does much cooking. I want to ask you if you have any simple ideas for using these spices. Again, just to limit the scope, I'd like to focus on vegetables primarily and fruits and grains secondarily, but if there is a "you must know about this" tip you'd like to share that doesn't fit into those categories, don't hold back!

Cayenne pepper or similar
Chile powder
Cinnamon
Garlic powder
Onion powder
Oregano
Parsley

Not quite as ubiquitous, but still very common:
Basil
Bay leaf
Cumin
Dill

We should probably include sauces that are found in most refrigerators, as well, eh?
BBQ sauce
Soy sauce
Szechuan sauce or similar
Tabasco sauce or similar

Let's do it.

Cayenne pepper or similar
Ever seen that lovely film called Chocolat? If not, go rent it now. The next time you make a cup of hot chocolate or coffee, throw in just a pinch of cayenne. You'll never be able to go back to the sickeningly sweet stuff that passes for good hot chocolate nowadays.

Barring that, there is no Chile recipe that would do without at least a pinch of cayenne. You need it for the fiery Southeast Asian cuisines of Thailand. In fact, to be honest, I find that cayenne is just a lovely addition to any sweet-and-sour combo, to offset the sweet. Say for instance, you're starting off with a mess of stir-fry vegetables, right? Suppose you start with some screaming hot peanut oil in a skillet, and add carrots, onions, peppers, bamboo shoots (from the tin; who has time to bother with fresh!?), scallions, sprouts, cabbage, and whatever other vegetable stirs (haha) your imagination. Suppose you add a healthy splash of tamari, or soy sauce. Suppose then, to offset the salty taste, you add in a healthy splash of orange juice. Then, to offset the sweetness, you add a very generous splash of lemon juice. When all is said and done, you're talking basic, yummy, and vibrantly coloured food. However, there are those of us who like a bit of adventure when we're eating stuff that we've probably had before.

Enter the cayenne.

Just a light sprinkle of cayenne, along with some crushed peanuts, will transport your stodgy stir-fry from back-alley fast food into an orgy of flavour. If you can possibly imagine a fiery edge to the next batch of stir-fry you pick up from your local Chinese fast food place (which typically runs on the sweeter and saltier side), you're sure to do like my mother does, and carry a batch of hot chilly powder with you anywhere you go.

Chile powder
There is the spice blend that contains (amongst other spices): cumin, garlic powder, onion powder, coriander, some tiny trace of ground chilly, and other spices. This is usually what I think of when I hear "Chile Powder". It's the stuff you use when making ... well ... a Chile! Starting with about a kilo of onions, a kilo of carrots, and 1/2 kilo of bell peppers, and a head of garlic is the perfect beginning to a good, strong Chile. In the largest pot you have, heat up a few tablespoons of oil. You might need up to 1/4 of a cup of oil. Use a neutral flavoured oil, like Canola, peanut, or safflower oil.

When the oil is hot, add the onions, carrots, peppers, and garlic. Drop down the flame to as medium, and allow the vegetable combination to cook for as long as it takes to get medium brown. You want the onions, garlic, and peppers chopped into a rough chop, and the garlic to be whole (for a milder garlic flavour), or minced (for a stronger garlic flavour). When the whole lot is the colour you desire, pitch in about 1 1/2 kilos of tinned, diced tomatoes, and a good handful of Chile powder. Turn up the heat to as high as it will go, and allow most of the water from the tomato tin to evaporate. Once you're down to about 1/4 of the original liquid from the tin, add a healthy slurp of tequila or dark rum. This step is optional. Add in about 3 kilos of cooked beans (as in, they weigh three kilos when you're done cooking them; start with about 1 1/2 kilos of dry beans to get to this level, or use tinned; both are equally fine). You can use all of one bean, like pinto, black, kidney, or pink beans, or combine them in any way you deem fit. You can omit the liquid from the tin, or add it in. It depends on your preference for how thick you like your Chile.

Let the whole mess come to a full, rolling boil, and let it cook for about 10 more minutes. Add one ounce or so of unsweetened chocolate, or an ounce of cocoa powder (unsweetened). Let the whole lot cook for about 10 more minutes, and eat!

Barring that, Chile powder is wonderful when sprinkled onto yams, yucca, sweet potatoes, squash, eggplant, chickpeas, potatoes, or any other hearty vegetable that you fancy. To prepare, simply mix 1 tablespoon of Chile powder with 1 tablespoon of oil. Toss about 1 pound of your vegetable (or chickpeas, if you're feeling adventurous!) in the spice and oil mixture. Throw it in the microwave for about 10 - 15 minutes, or in the oven at 350º F for about 30 - 45 minutes. If it's a tough veggie, let it cook longer. You now have a quick and delicious entree to dump onto bread, rice, or pasta, or eat by itself.

Cinnamon
The reason that apples and cinnamon are a cliche is because the two of them work so well together. Barring that, the next time you make the Chile recipe I mentioned, feel free to pitch in a teaspoon or so of cinnamon with the Chile powder. Also, any time you do sweet potatoes with maple syrup, you have to add a healthy dose of cinnamon for the taste to come out clearly. My morning oatmeal would be incomplete without cinnamon, as would my coffee, and hot chocolate.

Garlic powder
I tend to reserve garlic powder for when I want to punch up a jarred pasta sauce. I'll throw some olive oil into a skillet, throw in the jarred pasta sauce, throw in a few shakes of garlic powder, and let the mess come together in about five minutes. When it's done, I'll dump in the fresh pasta, and the taste is just as if I've been slaving over a hot stove. Additionally, whenever I am sauteeing onions for a recipe, and the recipe doesn't call for garlic, I'll throw some garlic powder into the sautee, to punch up the overall taste. Ditto this on whenever I make a cocoanut cream sauce. I'll start with the traditional roux (1 TB of oil, 1 TB of flour, heat over low heat until light blond, then pitch in 1 cup of cocoanut milk, then add a pinch of nutmeg and garlic powder), and do my magic when the sauce forms.

Onion powder
Ew. Wait, people actually BUY this stuff? Ew. Just. Ew. The flavour is far inferior to garlic powder, and onions are cheap and readily available enough that this travesty of the spice world should really go crawl into some corner and die.

Oregano
Remember the pasta sauce example? Same here. Throw in some oregano to punch it up. Same with the Chile powder example, where I mention adding 1 TB Chile powder to 1 TB oil? Try throwing in oregano with those veggies. Also, any Chile recipe will be complemented extremely well by oregano. Simply add it with the onions and garlic and peppers. Any recipe that calls for tomatoes will do well with oregano. Any recipe with root vegetables, but not a lot else will do well with oregano. The next time you make corn chowder, try some oregano in it; your tongue will thank you. Any bean recipe will love oregano. Crumble the dry leaves in your palm before you add it to your pot, so that you release the maximum flavour.

Parsley
Any time I have a sautee going, with onions, garlic, and/or other aromatics (carrots, peppers, etc), I add lots and lots of dried parsley if I have it. Just like oregano, crumble it in your palm before adding it in. Come to think of it, pretty darn near any savoury dish does well with a healthy (and I do mean healthy!) dose of dry parsley. I find that I need about a handful or so for the impact to come through in a pot of food meant for 4 - 6 people.


Not quite as ubiquitous, but still very common:

Basil
Always use wherever there are tomatoes present. Use generously in Thai food, or any other recipe which calls for hot ingredients, or creamy ingredients (like cocoanut or cocoanut milk).

Bay leaf
Never let a soup happen without some bay leaf in it. Ever. Bear in mind, however, that bay leaves are not digestible, and need to be removed before you serve the food. Also remember that bay leaves take some serious time to impart their flavours, so use it mainly in long-cooking curries, or soups, rather than quickie foods. Will do extremely well in my Chile recipe, if you add it with the sauteeing aromatics.

Cumin
Always use cumin in Chile, to punch up the "mexican" flavour. Use with refried beans to /give/ it flavour; often the stuff in the tin or from the restaurant is fairly boring. Use generously with any root vegetable. Use with any Indian dish.

If you have cumin seeds, you are especially lucky. The next time you make a savoury dish, start like the Indians do. In a large pot, heat up a tablespoon or so of oil. Sprinkle in 2 teaspoons of cumin seeds. Wait about 30 seconds or so, and your house will fill with the mouth-watering smell of cumin. The seeds will begin to jump and pop. Add about 2 cups of uncooked, long grain rice (or any other vegetable you feel like cooking). Drop down the heat to medium heat, and gently cook the grains of rice (or vegetable) until you smell a nutty aroma (or until the veggie is browned). Add in about 4 cups of water. Increase the heat to high heat, and allow the water to come to a full, rolling boil. Let the water boil for about two or three minutes. Slam on a tight-fitting lid (or aluminum foil, if you don't have the lid), and decrease the heat to as low as it will go. Set a timer for 25 minutes. After 25 minutes, turn off the heat, and remove the pot from the heat. Allow the rice (or vegetable) to rest for about 10 minutes. Uncover the pot, and dig in! It's fabulous. This same technique can be used to make split pea soup. Just add about 3 cups per cup of water, and skip the browning step.

Cumin has anti-gas properties, which is why Indians use the spice so generously whenever they make cruciferous vegetables (cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli), or beans.

Dill
To be honest, dill is one of those few herbs that I rarely use when it's dried, because the fresh and dried version are so different, that I tend to avoid the dried. When you have the fresh, it's perfect in salad, and other raw applications. Throw some onto sliced cucumbers, with a dash of lemon, for the best summer treat ever. Combine it with hummos for an unusual flavour combo. Have it with tomatoes, parsley, and lemon, and you'll never want cooked tomato again!

Dry dill, on the other hand, is a lot more sober, and subdued. I'd use it in any application where dry parsley is appropriate.

BBQ sauce
Use for dipping French cut fries, or slices of baked potato or baked sweet potato. Slather onto mature plantain, and bake in the oven for a smoky, sweet treat. Rub onto slices of eggplant, and grill. Use as a marinade for portabello mushrooms, and grill.

Soy sauce/Tamari
Use in place of salt in recipes calling for salt. Switch to Tamari, if you're gluten free. Switch to low sodium, and see if you can really tell that much of a difference (why eat the extra salt if you don't have to!). Combine with various fruit juices, citrus, and/or spices to create your own marinades for various vegetables. When making tomato sauce, use a capful of soy sauce to counteract the tinny flavour of tinned tomato. When making a vegetable stock, add a few shakes to give the stock a much deeper, richer colour. Use for dipping of steamed vegetables.

Szechuan sauce or similar
It reminds me too much of snot to take it seriously. ::shudder::

Tabasco sauce or similar
Sriracha, Tabasco, and other fiery sauces should be on hand for those who like a bit of a kick with their food. Any time you do sweet-and-sour applications, have a touch of heat to offset the cloying sweetness that is so typical of the sweet and sour craze. Always have hot sauce on hand to combine with ketchup (and, in my house, freshly minced raw garlic) for a fabulous dipping sauce for French cut fries, and tater tots. (Yes, tater tots and other fried foods aren't healthy, but if you're having them, you might as well enjoy them, right!?) Add a fiery kick to your Chile by adding a bit of hot sauce at the table, before you dig in to eat. If you're like my husband, you'll like to have it on pretty close to everything.

Coriander powder:
For those who dislike, or are allergic to cumin, coriander powder is an ideal substitute. It's got the same smoky aroma, but a much more subtle flavour.

Sesame Seeds:
I would never let my kitchen exist without sesame seeds. I add them to hot oil before adding my aromatics (when I sautee aromatics). I add them to hot oil along with cumin seeds to release the flavour of both spices into the oil, before cooking vegetables. If I'm making (cooked) garbanzo beans, I /always/ add a good dose of sesame seeds, paprika, and olive oil, before pitching the lot into the oven for 15 minutes (at 350 F). I could never dream of a soup, stew, or bean dish without some bit of sesame seeds. Because they're high in Iron, I don't even feel guilty about the negligible extra fat they add.


As a note, there are three different varieties of sesame seeds. For the purposes I mention here, any of the three will work just fine.

23 May 2008

Prices of rice

I've noticed that the cost of plain white rice is starting to get fairly ugly. I used to be able to get it on sale all the time for about $3 - $5 for a twenty pound bag. Now, I am lucky to get the same bag for $12. In the past, when things like this would happen, I would simply switch to something else. More and more, however, that's becoming a less and less viable option. Beans are up to $1 a pound, or more. Corn tortillas are up to $1.50 per package (the same package that used to cost $0.75). Bread is getting ridiculous, as is wheat flour. Yeast has gone up too.

This worries me, because when stuff like this goes down, it usually signals something nastier in the works, where everyone ends up reamed.

Anyone got a row boat?

Sauce interview, Pt 3

Thanks so much, Dino. Lots of information there! Definitely some stuff I didn't know. Oil is really its own subculture of cooking, is it not? Understand how to use oil and it seems like you're halfway there. [Dino's note: Whether it be oil, water, steam, or dry heat, it's paramount to know the different mediums of cooking. It's why I am so careful to specify which method to use in the recipes on here and in the book: it really does make a difference in the final food. Oil is but one of the cooking media.]

Thanks also for the "start small and gradually increase" recommendation on unfamiliar spices. Now let me get into some more specifics; these may be slightly random. For these next questions, I'm thinking about spices and sauces that easy to find.

First, I'm interested in spices or spice blends and/or off-the-shelf sauces that can be used to produce the flavors below. For simplicity's sake - and to fit in with our recent theme of vegetable - let's concentrate on vegetable dishes, maybe together with rice or other grains, or on a sandwich.

Suppose I want a Mexican feel?
What about Thai?
Down-home or soul food?
Barbecue / smoky?

Second...I'm interested in any favorite spices and sauces you have for the following vegetables. Let's say I'm quickly cooking up some frozen vegetables (nuking, steaming, pan-frying, etc.) as a side dish. It's a busy weeknight and I don't have any time to make anything elaborate, but I want to add a little something from the spice rack or cabinet.

Asparagus
Broccoli
Peas
Green Beans (One suggestion from me: A bit of Hoisin sauce. It works great.)


When there are times that you want to have a certain ethnic cuisine, but you can't be arsed to delve into the seedy underbelly of weird ingredients or expensive/time consuming stuff, you will need to guesstimate the experience of such cuisines.

Suppose I want a Mexican feel?
Mexican food is so difficult to classify, because there are so many regional variations, based on distance from the sea, the USA, and mixture of cultures in that particular place. However, there are some baseline foods that really feel Mexican, when you incorporate them into your regular food. For example, if you ever buy a wheat tortilla again (to have a Mexican feel), I will personally come to your door, and smack you with said tortillas. ALWAYS buy 100% corn tortillas. Wheat didn't show up in Mexico until long after the Conquistator oppressors showed up. Until that point, the native Mexcians made tortillas from corn.

Get. Corn. Tortillas.

Instead of lemon juice, use lime juice. Use lots of garlic, onions, tomatoes, and cilantro. Use cumin. For example, say you want to have a quickie bean burrito. Open up a tin of black beans. Drain them, and rinse them off lightly. Pitch them into the bowl of a food processor. Add some olive oil, lime juice, and cumin powder. Pulse until everything is ground down to a paste. Chop up an onion, mince a clove of garlic, mince up a chilly (be it poblano, jalapeno, or whatever heat you can take in terms of chilly). Dump the onion, garlic, and chilly into a bowl. Add a generous squeeze of lime juice. Dice up a roma tomato, and pitch that into the bowl as well. Mince up a bunch of cilantro (use parsley if you hate cilantro), and throw that into the bowl as well. Top off the concoction with some ground black pepper, a touch of salt, and about 8 oz of tinned corn (drained, of course). Quickly toast up a corn tortilla. Spread the ground black beans onto the tortilla. Top it with your salad of tomatoes and corn. Fold it in half, and enjoy!

What about Thai?
To someone from Thailand, there is no such thing as too hot or too garlicky. Get used to using lots and lots of heat and garlic.

Say you want a quick curry. In a skillet, heat up some oil. Add a diced onion. Sautee the onion until it's soft. Pitch in as much minced garlic as you can handle. Add some chopped up green beans, some minced ginger, and a healthy dose chopped tomato. When the vegetables are cooked, throw in a few tablespoons of cocoanut milk. Add a generous squeeze of lemon juice, some chopped chilly peppers, and a whole tonne of chopped cilantro. Serve the curry over rice.

Down-home or soul food?
Soul food is concerned with taking cheap ingredients, and making them taste really great. To make some quick collard greens, all you need is a bit of oil, lots of garlic, and some Old Bay seasoning. Chop your collard greens roughly. In the bottom of an enormous pot, heat some oil. Add the greens. Stir the greens around in the hot fat, so that every green is coated in a bit of the fat. When everything is coated, add a generous dose of Old Bay seasoning. Stir the greens around some more to combine them with the seasoning. Add in just enough water so that the first inch or so of the pot is filled. Add the garlic. Cover the lid of the pot, and drop down the heat to as low as it'll go. Let the greens steam for about five to ten minutes. Remove the lid, and stir everything around again. Serve with corn on the cob, a green salad, and some rice. Soul food need not be artery clogging!

Barbecue/smoky
Since I've never eaten it before, I'm out of my depth. What worked for me, is to rub on some cocoanut oil on some portabello caps, sprinkle on some Chili powder, and grill them. Friends have raved about it.

Asparagus
I hate asparagus.

Broccoli
Garlic powder, a touch of nutmeg, and cocoanut milk. Combine the spices and cocanut milk. Toss broccoli florets in spice and cocoanut milk blend. Nuke on high for like 10 minutes.

Peas
A tonne of parsley, basil, oregano, and dill (all fresh, please). Add some lemon juice, some olive oil, and balsamic vinegar.

Green Beans
Sautee in olive oil. Add slivered almonds. Pitch in some white wine. Cook until liquid evaporates.


22 May 2008

Sauce interview, Pt 2

Now that the news about your open marriage to Mrs. Dash is out...let me ask these questions next:

- What kind of oil should I use?
- What is sriracha, and can I find it in Nebraska?
- How do I know if I've added enough spice? How do I prevent adding too much?
- If I add more than one spice, do I cut back on the amounts of each one?
- Adding OJ and lemonade is a nice touch! Do any other kinds of juice work? Pineapple? Apricot? Fruit punch?


- What kind of oil should I use?
The midnight oil, damnit! After using some of these techniques, you'll find yourself cooking less, and eating more. This is a good thing. Seriously though. It depends on what you're doing.

Say for example, you're adding garlic, onions, peppers, celery, carrots, or any combination (or any one of those) to cold oil, heating said oil and aromatics in a pan, and then adding other ingredients, you can use any cooking fat. What am I talking about? Frankly, fats have this wonderful way of only doing one thing rather well. For example, olive oil is really good at tasting buttery, and lending such a depth of flavour to whatever you eat. However, it's really bad at getting super duper hot. Try to set your stove on high with olive oil in the skillet, and you'll soon have a face full of smoke, and really nasty smelling living grounds. Instead, with olive oil, you add aromatics (garlic, onions, carrots, celery, etc.) to the cold oil, and set the pot on the heat. The aromatics have water, which prevents the oil from rising too much above the 212F, which is the boiling point of water. Mind you, this isn't a license to set the stuff on the stove and forget about it, but rather a nice insurance policy.

However, there are times when you want to really scorch the bottoms of your vegetables, and get some serious colour going. In these cases, you use an oil that can handle very high heats. Examples are canola, peanut, vegetable, and safflower oil. With these oils, you can set a pot on the stove, crank the heat up to high, add the oil, and add the aromatics, or whatever else to the pot at your (relative) leisure. You still need to act quickly, as you've got about a minute before your kitchen turns into a smoky mess, but the oil will resist the temptation to stay at the neat and pat 212F. Instead, it will aggressively inch towards 500F! The point is that you want to suit the oil to your cooking situation, right? HOWEVER! Don't feel afraid of starting canola, peanut, safflower, etc. oil off cold, with aromatics thrown in.

Starting with cold oil, and cold aromatics, and allowing the two to come to temperature together, is a time-honoured method of withdrawing the maximum of flavour from the aromatics. Also, when you're baking or have everything ready, and you do the spice blend method, you really don't need to worry about which oil you use. Let me handle the first scenario first. Suppose you are feeling infinitely lazy, and need to have a shower before dinner is served. You're smelling quite ribald, and feeling the need for the cleansing waters to relax. Get into your kitchen, and hack up some root vegetables to about the same sized chunks. In a small bowl, combine a couple of tablespoons of oil with your favourite spice blend, and a bit of salt and pepper. Make a loose paste of this. In a large roasting pan, combine the spice-oil mixture with the chopped vegetables. Toss the veggies with the spices and oil to combine everything evenly. Set the oven to 350, the timer to 35 minutes, and get on with your shower. By the time you get back, you'll have the kitchen smelling heavenly, and a large mess of vegetables, waiting to be served over salad greens, or in between two slices of bread. In this case, the oil doesn't matter, because you're mainly using it to be a vector for the spices, and the fact that the oven is slowly roasting your vegetables will keep the oil from burning. Frankly, the controlled temperatures are ideal for any oil.

The second scenario is if you have a quick hand, and everything waiting. Set your large stock pot onto the stove. Crank the heat up to high. Drizzle in whatever oil you choose. Wait about 20 seconds for the oil to heat. Immediately pitch in your aromatics. Because you've got everything waiting, you don't have to worry about the oil getting too hot too quickly. Otherwise, if you aren't that quick in the kitchen, follow the advice I originally gave.

- What is sriracha, and can I find it in Nebraska?
It's one of those delicious fire sauces from Southeast Asia. If you can't find it in Nebraska, never be ashamed of substituting Tabasco, or whatever other hot sauce you fancy. If you don't fancy hot sauce, cheat, and add a touch of black pepper (as much as you can take!) to some ketchup, and call it a night. Nobody has to know.

- How do I know if I've added enough spice? How do I prevent adding too much?
Eyeballing it works for me. If I'm looking at a piece of vegetable in the pot, and each piece has enough spice that about half of it is visible through the veil of spices, I'm good to go. If you've added too much, cheat, and pitch in some cooked pasta, potatoes, rice, or whatever other frozen vegetables you have lying around. To prevent adding too much in the first place, measure out just enough of whatever spice you're adding into the palm of your hand first. If it takes up more than a dime-sized round, you're probably going to end up with too much ... stuff in your food. Err on the side of not enough. Worst comes to it, you can always sautee some more onions and garlic in oil, add additional spices to that pot, and mix it in with the rest of the food. Nobody has to know, and you've avoided the problems of having raw-tasting dried herbs.

- If I add more than one spice, do I cut back on the amounts of each one?
Here's a rule that works for me. When I'm working with an unfamiliar spice, I'll first start with 1/2 teaspoon, and add the rest of the "normal" seasonings. For example, whenever I make a pasta sauce, I add 1 tablespoon of italian seasoning, 2 tablespoons of Mrs. Dash, and 5 cloves of garlic. However, I saw a recipe that used fennel seeds. I'm not sure how it'll work out in the end. Because I'm a bit nervous about a spice like fennel seeds, I'll even cut it back to 1/4 teaspoon, rather than 1/2 teaspoon. Chances are that it'll be so subtle that I won't even notice it (as I tend to make about a 6 lb tin's worth of diced tomatoes of sauce every time I bother to make sauce). If that slight hint is pleasant, I'll try to up the ante the next time. Eventually, I'll find an amount that's close enough to the new recipe to suit my tastes. Sometimes, I end up adding more. Most of the time, I add less than what others like. The point is that because I introduced it gently, I never jarred myself into dislike.

- Adding OJ and lemonade is a nice touch! Do any other kinds of juice work? Pineapple? Apricot? Fruit punch?
YES! Yes! Not so much. Pineapple juice is very easy to incorporate into different foods, because it's got a distinctly tropical feel. Apricot juice tastes of Tradition, and Pomp. It's quite a sophisticated taste. Fruit Punch, however, tastes of ... red. I'm serious. What other flavour can you attribute to Fruit Punch? It's lovely with a hefty shot of vodka, and a splash of lime juice, but otherwise, it's best left to Church picnics, with women who wear tragic parodies of fashions they saw in Better Homes and Gardens. Frankly, I love Better Homes and Gardens, Fruit Punch, Vodka, and Apple Pie, too. However, I do feel that all of those things should be enjoyed in places where they will make the most impact.

21 May 2008

First podcast; new website

First Episode up on the new site.

The lovely people at the Vegan Freak podcast helped me get this site up, and gave me the hosting for the 'cast. The iTunes version will be up if/when it's approved. I have it put up as explicit, just to be on the safe side. Hope you enjoy it!

Interview about sauces and spices.

My friend interviewed me about some quick cook stuff, and I offered to respond to him as best as I could. Here's how it turned out:

Okay, here’s the scenario – I’m an average Joe or Jane. I’m busy and don’t cook. Dinner for me, if it’s not take-out, is something frozen or a sandwich, with maybe a salad and a vegetable to round it out. Cooking’s not my thing, I’ll never be a cook (although never say never), but I’m in a rut. I’m making a few baby steps, like buying varieties of frozen or steam-in-the-bag vegetables beyond my usual five – such as asparagus, cauliflower, and collard greens. I may not be a chef, but I figure I can shake a spice jar or pour sauce out of a bottle. Before we get into details, are there any very general guidelines for which spices and/or bottled sauces to use when? Where do I start? What should I buy? Is it totally individual, or are there certain combinations of spices and sauces and vegetables that work for most people most of the time – maybe I can start there…


Mrs. Dash is my wife. Seriously. OK, maybe I /am/ married to a man. BUT! We're not going to let that get in the way of my flavour profiles! Frankly, the only spice blend I've ever been seriously impressed by in terms of overall flavour, and overall versatility, is Mrs. Dash.

Suppose you have a bag of frozen veg, and you want to seriously add some depth of flavour to it. Start with a small amount of oil in the bottom of a skillet, and heat it up over high heat. Don't even bother thawing out the frozen veg in the microwave. There's honestly no point. When the oil is hot, pitch in as much of the frozen vegetables as you like. LIBERALLY sprinkle on the Mrs. Dash. It doesn't even matter which blend you use! That's how good her stuff is.

No, seriously. I speak from feeding carnivores. Every time I'd use aheavy hand with the Mrs. Dash, everyone would RAVE about the food, and come back for FIFTH helpings! Continue cooking the vegetables for as long as it takes for the ice to be gone, and for the vegetables to be cooked through. If you're in the mood, rub a clove of garlic on a slice of toasted bread, and use that as your starch to accompany your quickie meal.

If you're more of a saucy type, Lee Kum Kee Vegetarian Stir Fry Sauce is an excellent place to start. Start with the hot oil, the frozen veg, and the not bothering to thaw, like you would with the Mrs. Dash. I wonder if Mrs. Dash and Mr. Lee ever talked to each other. It seems to me like the two of them DOMINATE the quickie flavouring department, don't they? I digress.

Slather on about a teaspoon or so of the Vegetarian Stir Fry Sauce into your cooking vegetables. After you've added that sauce, you have a million different combinations to expand the flavour of what you're cooking. If you want a more salty flavour, pitch in a bit of soy sauce. If you want a combo of sweet and salty, pitch in some orange juice. If you want sweet, salty, and hot, do a combo of soy sauce, OJ, and some sriracha or hot sauce of your choice. If you want a sour twang, substitute a bit of lemonade (from the bottle) instead of OJ. I won't tell anyone that you buy lemonade in the carton. Quite frankly, if it ends up netting you a yummy meal, it's nobody's business what you did to get there, right?

That being said, don't feel like you have to follow hard and fast rules with these two Gods of the flavouring arena. Instead, feel free to mix and match the combinations in different ways, until you find something. Worst comes to it, you can always feed the disasters to the dog, and order takeaway.


This was the first part of a multi part interview. I certainly hope that you enjoy the rest of it as it unfolds. :)

Face to Face

For whatever reason, I'm a huge fan of getting things done in person. Last night, our fridge started giving brown water. That was decidedly gross. Ordinarily, most people would have buzzed down the front desk, and asked them to handle it. They would have, and the next morning, someone would have come in to fix the fridge. Instead, because I went downstairs, and joked about how I'm a late riser, it looks like they didn't send anyone yet, which is a good thing, as I had a rough night and couldn't sleep till rather late. Just to be on the safe side, however, I did run down again, and the nice man at the desk said that he'd have someone call me to let me know what's up. Again, that's wonderful. I could have called, but the guy would have been talking to someone else (who was trying to make a delivery at that moment). He appreciated my being there, and politely waiting my turn.

I've noticed this time and again with people that I serve, and who serve me: do things in person if you want them done right. When I'd have those people who would walk the three feet to my desk to ask me for computer help (in my old job), I'd ensure that I'd dash over to their desk immediately, and handle it. Those who sent me emails (and I hate emails, when you have my phone number or can come see me) go sent to the back of the line.

I'm not sure what made me think of this, other than the --

Oh right. When you're out there, and you have friends who question your veganism, don't discuss it over the phone, or via email. Do it in person, after you've cooked for them. I've had the hardest hard core carnivores come over to my side when I've taken them to eat really good vegan food, or when I've cooked it myself. They can never say that all we eat is twigs and tofu, because I've physically shown them differently. It's not like showing a recipe, or a shock video. Having them share that meal with you, in person, as you describe how easy everything was to make will give you the ability to make a lasting impression.

20 May 2008

I am not the illustrious Grammar Girl, but I do know a couple of things about correct punctuation. I've been helping a friend of mine proof read her work, and I'm verging on a meltdown. She doesn't seem to care for traditional punctuation marks. As I'm sure you all know, punctuation marks are meant to provide the reader with clarity about the meaning of a piece. I could launch into the "cute" examples about misplaced punctuation, but I'm not in the mood right now.

Today, I'd like to personally slap the people who abuse the ellipsis. Let's set the record straight before we even begin: an ellipsis is not a substitute for punctuation. If you don't know what mark goes there, don't substitute an ellipsis. Making a piece that's riddled with ellipses is akin to driving with both the gas and brake pedals pressed. You get nowhere fast, and end up pissing everyone else off in the process.

If you really /are/ that scattered in your brain, keep those thoughts in the brain, or leave them in a place where you don't subject the rest of us to it.